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Fantasy Football Feature
Week 1: Lancaster's Locks
Jimmy Lancaster
September 6, 2007

The Lancaster Cliché

I’ll push aside all the cliché crap about how the season is finally here and how all of our hard work and research has finally brought us the season, all the dry no-talent fool writing that sounds like everyone else, stuff a 7th grader with nominal football knowledge could toss together. They condense few letters of the alphabet, a couple of sentences, a minute on a fantasy football website, a flash of Sportscenter. All that trash is easily accessible, so if you’re looking for that, I really don’t want you reading my column anyway. But if you’re interested in slicing sport journalism into little tangible pieces that transcend into society, politics, academia, gambling and honesty, please read on, for the Lancaster has shown for the past nine years that he can pick games, and provide a thread to pull for all those other things. Dr. Fantasy will admit that he reads my articles and picks them for hints as to who I’m going to start this week; if you didn’t know, he and I have been in a league together since well before fantasy football was cool, so he’s competition, and my goal this year is to unseat him and put a stop to what he hopes will be an unprecedented three titles in a row.

The Lancaster doesn’t charge money for his picks, like pay services he consistently outguns; he only occasionally speaks in third person. And what’s with those bamboozles giving Joe Horn all the credit for talking in third person? Moses Malone started that way back when Dr. J had the only afro worth a spa session.

This week I’m talking six games.

Minnesota -2.5. The Vikes are going to win the Super Bowl this year. They are the Eagles of the early 21st Century with their same defensive coach and scheme. They are not terribly deep but they should kick the balls out of Atlanta. However, I will predict that Atlanta will be a lot of fun this year offensively, with Petrino and without Vick. They have little on the defensive side so they should open it up to win back fans who grew sore after the summer sagas. If you can’t get this one at 2.5, those of you in Las Vegas, buy a half.

Miami +3 and the Under 36. I think Miami is going to go on the road and beat Washington, because Miami has looked pretty average and has been seemingly in coaching uncertainly already, so it’s time to break out, and Washington, with no offense, provides an opportunity. But both teams have awesome defenses who will stuff the run (even against both above average lines) and waste a lot of time for the underseekers.

Chicago +6.5. I’m going to buy the half to make it 7. Nathan Vasser is very good, but he’s giving up seven inches to Vincent Jackson. Yet Tommie Harris is back and no one on the Bears can cover Bernard Berrian, so how the hell is Drayton Florence going to, who gave up 11-260-2 to Chad Johnson last year, to name just one of his classic Tuskegee performances. I’m not saying San Diego won’t be a great team this year, or even with this game, but the Bears are legit contenders as well.

Over 45 in Arizona/San Francisco. Interesting game with a 49’er team who went 7-9 last year and some hard money coming in on them improving on that in total wins, which would mean they could be a playoff team if the efforts follow the cash. This game tends to lean towards the over (um, the last six times they’ve played, only one game has totaled under 45 points, exploding to 59 twice, 61, 46 and 45). On the other side, you just keep waiting for the Cards to finally put their offensive line together; of course they have weapons on the outside, not to mention Leonard Pope from Americus, Georgia, my current place of residence. Levi Brown is going to be good, but helps make a very green right side for with Edge to work.

And finally, the Lancaster will take a 7 point three-team tease in Cleveland (+11.5), the Saints (+13) and the Cowboys (pick).

Fantasy Sleeper of the Week: Bradie James IDP, Dallas.

If you like these columns, then check out my book at Travels with Aspen, a little piece of history and memoir which the doctor himself helped market up with his unparalleled knowledge of the e-world.
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